I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
