3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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