Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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