Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize