I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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