So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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