onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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