Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
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