I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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