Someone shit on the floor
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
