I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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