I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize