That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
