Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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