would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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