You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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