Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
organizing the empties. That sober.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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