Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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