I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize