Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
