were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
