I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize