goodnight i made you a song goodbye
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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