he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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