She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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