You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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