he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
