phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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