I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize