I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
