And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
