I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Randomize
