I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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