This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize
