guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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