somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Found your dick twin last night
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
