I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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