i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
