My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
