We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I just threw up on my dentist
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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