if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
