Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Randomize
