I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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