I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
