just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
