you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I need moral support for this bender
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize