Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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