god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
