I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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