The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
