You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
