youre lurking in front of me
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
You made out with two different species that night
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
