my room smells like sperm. sweet.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
We need to rekindle our bromance
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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