if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
