Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
