I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
