She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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