Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
