Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
