i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I could fuck to npr.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
