I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
The air was thick with penises
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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