Yo dont text me then not text me
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
