the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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