hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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