I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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