i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
