I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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