he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
The ass gains better be worth it
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