The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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