a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
