The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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