Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
