the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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