they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
