Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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