i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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