My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
