She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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