had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
