I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
