so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize