I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize