There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
