Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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