Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
