did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
