so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
